dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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