I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize