her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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