She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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