why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize