Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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