ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
