but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
