I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
