Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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