fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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