I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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