he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
