3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
