AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I believe in your delicious
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
