i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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