i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
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We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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