Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
