Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
