Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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