That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
