Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
