when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dick very happy bro
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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