So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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