meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
