Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
