Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
