I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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