I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
