I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
