Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
