I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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