I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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