Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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