She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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