My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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