I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
