sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize