We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
