Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
