he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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