it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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