how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
