I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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