so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
