Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
