i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
