I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
