Non-Jews are for practice
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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