"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
