We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
