he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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