Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
