census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
