Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
