??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
