If that was your dad, he is hot
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
