dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
