If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
