i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
